If you didn't catch my last post, it was all about how we thought our daughter Naomi was going to be a boy that we would name Ezekiel. We were obviously wrong in the natural sense, but as we continue to grow in hearing the Lord and contending for Naomi's healing, we see the name Ezekiel was very intentional.
If I'm being honest, I can't really figure out a good segue into what I want to say (I've been sitting here typing and re-typing for like last 25 minutes with no progress). So I guess I'll just go for it!
Due to Naomi's birth injuries, she's been significantly delayed in all areas, especially physically. You can imagine how difficult it has been for us as her parents to see other children several months her junior meet all the milestones we've been believing for her for 19 months. That's something I don't talk about often because I treasure so deeply the joys of other parents and their children, and I want to help them rejoice in their miracles without drawing attention to my heartache. Though with each sincere shout of joy for another child's success, I get the opportunity to be more like Jesus, and what an opportunity that is.
Kevin and I, along with family and therapists, have worked worked worked tirelessly with Naomi for months, with multiple therapy visits each week, with what seemed like to us not a whole lot of payoff (that is not to say there wasn't any, we have seen lots of awesome things from Naomi!). We didn't understand why our work wasn't getting her healed. We were tired. Naomi was tired. I was angry that my baby had to work harder than most adults to do the things most all of us take for granted. I kept thinking, "God, this is not freedom. This is not freedom! You died for my freedom, for Naomi's freedom."
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free..." -Galations 5:1A few definitions of freedom from the Oxford Dictionary:
- The state of not being imprisoned or enslaved
- The state of being physically unrestricted and able to move easily
- The state of not being subject to or affected by (a particular undesirable thing)
This is exciting! I didn't plan to go here when I started writing a bit ago. Maybe the Lord wants to talk to you and me about freedom today.
I can only speak from my experience, and that experience for me is that having a child with special needs, or a child that's sick, or having any kind of physical or mental limitation, is not freedom. Not that there isn't joy found in these moments, but that's the grace of God, being able to rejoice under trial until freedom comes.
There's so much Naomi hasn't been able to do (yet) and because of that, there's so much we haven't been able to do as a family, things our hearts are aching to do. This isn't the heart of the Father, you guys. If you don't get anything else out of this post, I hope you get that. We serve a good Dad and we are living in a new covenant where Jesus died for every sin and every hardship and every single sickness. God put all that junk on Jesus so that we would be able to get the opportunity to live in the already but not yet, the Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. It's simply that you can be totally unrestricted that you are free. Freedom for freedom's sake. Thank you, Jesus!
Ok, so...Ezekiel. Ezekiel means "God strengthens." After months and months of laboring with and for Naomi in the natural and the spiritual, we were dog tired. Totally drained in every sense of the word.
God kept bringing up the name Ezekiel to us. We thought, "Oh, maybe this is for the season we are in," and I think that's partially true. I seriously couldn't have made it even a week into motherhood without the Lord strengthening me.
But then God spoke to Kevin a few weeks back. After doing physical therapy with Naomi and not seeing a whole lot of progress, Kev asked God something like, "God, we know you want to heal our girl, so why isn't our work working?" He felt like God simply shed new light on Ezekiel for us, "Kevin, I give Naomi strength. I am strengthening her. I am her healer." That's not word for word, but that's the gist of it. And I can't speak for Kev, but that took so much pressure off me. God's like, it's not dependent on your work... your work is simply to believe in me (see John 6:29).
The cool thing is Naomi's brain does create new pathways when we work with her, but only God can breathe complete life back into lifeless places. God delights to raise the dead, spiritually, mentally, physically. He's just looking for someone who would dare to believe he could.
I'm daring to believe. For my freedom, for Naomi's freedom, and for the freedom for the countless others that will be touched by her story.
Guys, I only know what I've experienced and what the Lord has taught me. It's my hope that a) our lives would be a living testimony to God's goodness and b) that our words and actions would glorify the Father. I feel totally inadequate to share anything of such depth, but God's prompting me to get it out. If anything I said ignites anything positive or negative in you, I'd love to visit more. Please feel free to email us at skillernpad at gmail dot com and we'll get back to you as soon as time allows!
Bless you!!!
Adrienne
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