Rescuer

Yesterday, I was running an errand for work when I got to thinking about the ways God speaks to His children. I recounted a gal from our life group saying how God often speaks to her through billboards, movies, etc. "How creative and personal you are, God," I thought. He knows what gets our attention. God knew my heart was longing to be open to seeing Him however He wanted to speak. I need those little breakthroughs of Heaven in my day to help me keep pressing on.

I was simultaneously listening to a new worship album I found a couple weeks back by John Mark and Sarah McMillan. In one of my faves from the album, Heart Won't Stop, it reads:

I could lay my head in Sheol
I could make my bed at the bottom of the darkness deep
Oh, but there is not a place I could escape You
Your heart won't stop coming after me

Maybe it's what we've been learning in our School of Kingdom Ministry class (more on that later!) about the kingdom being already but not yet, or the kingdom has come and is coming, but as I heard those words in the song, I had the most vivid scene flash through my mind. Jesus, clothed in fierce love and kindness, running towards darkness while pulling all of heaven behind Him. He penetrates the darkness and grabs hold of me as I'm running to Him (you, your situation, my family, your family, etc.), taking back what has been stolen, what is rightfully His. Darkness cannot overcome Him. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for such a passionate Redeemer. There is not a place too dark, too broken, too evil, that He cannot restore.

As I snapped back to reality, I looked straight ahead at the car in front of me. A red truck whose license plate read clear as day: RESCUER

Sweet confirmation just seconds after such a moving picture from Jesus. It's like He said, "Yep! That picture was from me, and that scene really is happening every single day. I've come and I'm coming for you! I'm the Rescuer."

Jesus, we have eyes, let us see. We have ears, let us hear. May we surrender our expectations of how you do things and just grow in expectancy that you will and are still moving and speaking.

Rains of Truth

Rainy overcast morning, cup of hot tea, all cozied up in grandma's quilt with my babe by my side. Let's share stories!

Holy Spirit, lead me on how to be open today.

The last year has been almost a sensory overload for me, spiritually. I've seen, heard, felt, tasted too many new experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc. I didn't realize that I wasn't one who could take in information quickly. I need time to let it all steep, to sort through and digest it. When I receive a revelation from the Lord (and there has been too many to count this year), it needs to simmer there for a bit before it sincerely soaks into my soul. What it used to feel like is when we get a terribly fast and heavy rainfall. The rain doesn't truly soak into the ground, it just runs into the sewer drain because it's coming so quickly and in such great volume. There is nowhere for the new rain to go as the previous drops are still soaking in. The ground doesn't absorb all it could like if it was a steady, lingering rain shower. You've watered flowers before and watched the water slowly sink into the thirsty soil. The same is true with my soul.

I still struggle with being like that, because I struggle with grace.

The grace of the Lord says to me, "If it takes you a while to process, to understand and start living it out, I will still be here. The truth will still be here. I am able to redeem any time that may have been lost between the knowledge of truth (revelation) and the belief of it (living it out)." Guys, God is the giver of gifts. He loves loves loooooooooves to see us thrive in His Truth and His Grace. He's going to make sure we get it and believe it. The source of every good thing is I-N-F-I-N-I-T-E. Does that not blow your mind? It does mine. I usually forget this, too (more grace, Lord). He never runs out, and He wants to and will keep giving. He wants us to know Him.

The lie I believe says, "If you don't figure it out quickly, if you don't believe quickly, if you don't act swiftly (even if you don't truly believe), the revelation, the gift, the time, will all be lost. It will be revoked and the opportunity will not come again." You can imagine the anxiety that is coupled with believing this. I'll never measure up. My life will be in shambles. The goodness of the Lord is nowhere near, it has left me alone. It reeks of the enemy, as he comes to steal and destroy.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights..." - James 1:17

Do I wish that revelation would stick faster with me? Absolutely. I'd love the turn around time between revelation and living it out to be instant. I believe it will get quicker, I believe that's the Lord's will for us all. But until then, I'm walking with the Lord, growing in grace and repentance (which is such a beautiful word, abused by many, myself included until recently). This journey, this walk I'm on with Him is making my soul more porous, so when the rains of truth come, my heart will quickly soak up even more than it did before.

More grace, Lord.

Write.

I feel like the Lord told me to sit down and write. That sentence freaks me out to type, because I'm still new to this "I feel like Jesus is telling me..." stuff. It's a bold statement, but I think it pleases Jesus when we're bold. It gives Him even more permission to be glorified through us.

• what if it wasn't really Jesus?
• did I make that up?
• is the enemy playing another game (he's so sneaky).

Those are my top 3 reasons for dismissing the reoccurring theme of Jesus wanting me to share my story. I don't even know what that means right now (I'm scared). But the best I can come up with is to test that still small voice in my spirit. "Write," it says.  So I will. And if good fruits come, I'll grow a little more confident that I can indeed hear better than I think. And if I didn't hear correctly, I'll grow a little more confident that His grace is sufficient, and that He's perfecting me as I step out.

From an Instagrammer I happened upon this morning: "But who are we without experience? The best learning only takes place when we are the ones 'doing the doing'."

So, I'm gonna do the doing, and in my baby steps I have a feeling I'll be figuring out how to share my story the way I'm supposed to.

Adrienne

Heart Exercises

After meeting with a dear friend Patty this morning to discuss life's happenings, it's been on the forefront of my mind to be conversational with the Lord. Did you know the Lord wants you to hear Him more than you want to hear Him? I don't know about you, but I wanna hear Him a lot a lot a lot, and I've had a hard time trusting the Spirit is really in me. That's something I've struggled with for months, but I'm glad that God is gently walking me through that process of learning to listen and hear His voice, which (not)coincidentally sounds an awful lot like my own voice. Go figure!

I was recounting all the mini-revelations I had during that meeting while on a walk this afternoon. I realized I have a real hard time rejoicing for folks who have "what I want", and I put that in quotes because sometimes "what I want" and "what God's doing" are a little different, and the latter is always better, but that's another story for another day.

So I straight up asked Him, "God, why does it hurt me to see other people have these things? Why does it hurt to rejoice?"

And He answered, "Because it stretches your heart, and growing can be painful."

So simple, almost silly how simple and elementary it sounds. But I got to thinking about physical growth and exercise. There is of course growing pains - they simply happen because we are getting older, taller, bigger. They can't be avoided, really. They last for a bit, and next thing you know, you're 6 inches taller.

And then there's intentional exercise. We want to get stronger muscles, more flexibility, more endurance, we want to grow healthier. If we want to see results, we must put in work, put in time. Our muscles will ache and our lungs will burn. But the more we do, our bodies adapt, they strengthen and acclimate, and the exercises don't seem as strenuous or impossible as they did 3,6,9 months ago. We have the ability to press on harder and longer without growing as weary.

My spiritual heart is like a muscle that needs to be strengthened, it needs to be stretched. It was getting a little inflexible, a little stagnant. It was deteriorating. I feel like God told me, "Adrienne, the more you rejoice with others, especially when it hurts, your heart is growing bigger, stronger, more like Mine. The more you do it, the easier and truer it becomes." Also, how good is it that the Spirit is our strength to rejoice? Definitely not in my own strength to rejoice when I'm just not feelin' it. I usually just want to have a pity party and invite all my friends.  Not to mention, our trust in the Lord for His good and perfect will over our life expands exponentially when we do this - bonus!

I know that's such a plain and simple thought, but it encouraged my spirit and felt prompted to share. I hope it blesses your growing heart today!

Summer Bucket List

Taken by one of my new favorite roads out by Tulsa Botanic Gardens

Inspired by one of my favorite reads, Jen Loves Kev, I thought it'd be a fun idea to make a little summer bucket list of sorts.

So, here we go!

1. Berry picking at Thunderbird Berry Farm. My sister and I have gone out there the last couple years and it has been a blast each time. This year it will be fun to wear Naomi and pick some juicy strawberries and blueberries. Typing this has got me all excited to go!

2. Birthday trip with Kevin and Naomi. Mine and Kev's birthdays are one day apart, so we usually lump both into one dinner/celebration, etc. This year we're hoping to steal away for a long weekend. I'm thinking south-eastern Oklahoma, but we'll see. There's just so many places around here I want to visit.

3. Go swimming as often as possible. We love having a neighborhood pool 4 blocks away from our house. I can't wait to see what Naomi will think of the pool. She'll be the cutest babe there.

4. Clean out the garden plot. Unfortunately, I haven't had a lick of time to garden this spring, and my garden is the biggest disaster. I'd like to get in there in clear out all the overgrown weeds and grass and get it all clean for a fall garden.

5. Craft more stuff. I've been feeling inspired to make cute stuff for Naomi to wear. I've got a few simple ideas and some darling fabric from Owl & Drum just begging to be made into something. I better start practicing on that sewing machine...

6. Go to the drive-in movies at least once. I love the drive-in but I've only been 2 times, I think. If you can stay for the double feature, it's such a great deal! Grab at QuikTrip drink beforehand and I'm all set.

7. Spend as much free time outside as possible. I'm ready to hike and explore. There's the added benefit of exercise in there somewhere ;-)

8. Spend more time with friends we don't get to see much. It's no joke that parenthood shifts your priorities around, but making time for new friend and old friends is such a huge priority for us. The key is flexibility...and food...and friends. You can't go wrong with that combo!

I'm sure we'll end up not doing some of these and doing more things I can't think of right now. I absolutely love summer, and I'm more excited about this one than I've ever been (and that's saying something, because Lord knows summer is every school kid's dream come true).

What about you all?  Any fun plans on the horizon?

On Lent

Lent sneaked up on me this year. My sister texted me Tuesday evening to ask if I was going to fast anything for Lent. My response was, "Uhh... is Lent coming up?". I knew immediately that my ignorance of the season that was upon me as a Christian demanded that I step back and re-prioritize a few things in my life. I went through the motions of asking the Spirit what He'd have me fast during these 40 days leading to Easter. I thought, "social media is always a good idea," but that didn't resonate with my spirit (not that I don't need to cut back, because I do). Yesterday, the first day of Lent, I still had nothing, so I just decided to sit on it for a while and see if Jesus would let me know how He'd like me to spend these next few weeks.

This morning, I hopped over to one of my favorite blogs, Jen Loves Kev. Bingo! She talked about needing to fast a negative mindset. Yes times a million. My spirit received that word and I knew immediately that giving up negativity and doubt and pride (and everything that opposes the mind of Christ) is exactly what God desires of me and where He wants to work most on me, not just during Lent, but always. Jen went on to share an excerpt from She Reads Truth, a great Bible study tool for women:

" As I approach this season of Lent, I’m in need of big, bright Gospel post-it note. My mind and body are tired, my heart is numb, and I just feel… forgetful. Disconnected. Distracted. Remind me what we’re doing here again, Lord? Remind me of who You are. Remind me of what You’ve done. Maybe you know this feeling of Gospel detachment, where you have to squint hard to see what you know is true.."

So that's my prayer for me (and for you!) during this season, that God would grant me a spirit of wisdom and revelation that I might know Him better, and that the eyes of my heart would be enlightened to know the hope to which Christ has called me.* Jesus, remind us of the good news. Remind us of why we're here and what You're up to. Amen.

I pray you are so blessed during this season. May we repent and turn our eyes to Jesus and rejoice in what He has done and what He is still doing!

Adrienne

*an excerpt from Ephesians 1

Take a Risk

Over the past year, Jesus has been prompting and preparing Kev and me for a new way of living. I'm not exactly sure what that is right this second, but I'm finding with God, He only reveals what I need to know when I need to know it. A lesson in waiting, to be certain. That's okay. More patience, Lord.

One of the ways God has been working on us is by encouraging us to take risks for Him. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with Come&Live, but the founder, Chad, started a "One Thousand Risks" journey where he'd simply take risks to love on and pray for people everyday wherever he was. Except, as most of us know, when the time comes to step out of your comfort zone, it's really not so simple. What will people think? How will I be received? What if whatever I'm saying to them doesn't connect to their situation? Will God really work something good out of it? Anything God is calling you to do will bring glory to Him, so it will most definitely be met with a little if not a lot of resistance, just in your own heart. I'll explain a little better with my short story:

Before Naomi was born, I felt like God prompted me to clean out my overly excessive wardrobe and give it to the neighbor girl down the street whom I've never talked to. I did the easy part of cleaning out my closet. Then the bags of clothes just sat on the floor...and sat there...and sat there. Every single day, and I really mean everyday, for the past (probably) five or so months I thought about taking those clothes to her. My nerves got the best of me every time and I just chickened out. I really couldn't think of any legit excuses not to other than that I was just too nervous.

Today was different though. Today I was being selfish and sad, so I knew I needed to be obedient to God. He gently told me to shift my focus off myself so that others might know He loves them (yes, through you and me!) Faith comes in believing that God actually could, would, and DELIGHTS in advancing His kingdom through His people when we are obedient to do so. It's not us, it's Him, and we are just vessels!

Anyway, so for my very first risk, I packed up the clothes today and drove them down the street to Jessica's house. She has a name! Wow, there's power in just asking what people's names are. They are real people! I knocked on the door, butterflies going wild in my tum, and Jessica answers, "Oh, you are just the person I was hoping would answer the door!" Thanks, God! I told Jessica I'm a Christian, learning to hear from and be obedient to the Holy Spirit, and I felt like I was supposed to give her these clothes. She was super stunned and honestly didn't have very many words to say, but was very smiley and receptive. I must have caught her off guard, as I know I would be in that situation. I gave her the clothes and asked if there was any way I could pray for her or her family. "Yeah, actually, my mom has breast cancer." Oh, wow. Ok, God, let's do this! We joined hands in the cold on her porch, I thanked God for Jessica's mom, and for Jessica and her brother. I thanked Him for loving them. I asked God to heal her mom of cancer and thanked Him that he delights in doing that for His creation. I prayed also that God would draw the 3 of them closer to Him. I think He will.

Drove back home, super pumped because YES! God is good and why wouldn't I want to share that with others? Jesus, help me be more bold for you. Thank you for grace and for your gentleness with me through this long season of learning and trusting.

-Adrienne