Well Hello!

Finally dusting off the pages of this 'ol blog for now. As you can tell, blogging is not my forte, but reading blogs is definitely a talent of mine.

Right before my last post in October, my oldest brother got married in Florida. I'm not sure why I haven't shared those photos, but maybe I'll get around to it one day. Our whole family minus our sister Down Under was all able to make the long trek down (and by long, I mean a nonstop 24 hours in a van with 7 people long). It was nothing short of a blast the entire time. I mean, our hotel was on.the.beach. It was beautiful. And it was so fun getting to celebrate that special day with Michael and family.



It seems like from that time to now has just been a  steady blur - so much has happened since October. A lot good, a lot bad. A lot of trials and questions and crying and rejoicing.

A week before Thanksgiving, my grandma was admitted to the E.R. for what we thought was severe dehydration from what her primary care doctor diagnosed just 2 days earlier as the flu. Shortly after being admitted, the E.R. doctors confirmed that my grandma didn't have the flu, but was instead having a heart attack. She was having a heart attack right in front of me and there was nothing to do to stop it, of course. That day began the most heart-wrenching, faith-testing, family-filled 2.5 weeks of my life.

What turned into "We're going to put a stint in ASAP" turned into "there's a hole in her heart, and we're not sure we can fix it." Grandma was only coherent for maybe 1-2 more days before they placed her in a controlled coma to allow that hole to hopefully form enough scar tissue to stitch up. By the grace of God, it did, and she successfully made it through surgery. She was beating the odds left and right, especially since this type of procedure is usually only successful in newborns and infants, not 80 year olds.

From the beginning of this, my mantra became God is good, God is sovereign, God heals the broken-hearted literally and figuratively, and God has the final say. Those truths carried me through the next week. Grandma was recovering in the cardiac intensive care unit (best nurses ever, by the way. Thanks, St. Francis!), until one day, her vital organs began to slowly fail. Her heart was getting tired. Her liver and kidneys just couldn't keep up. Two weeks after being admitted, she passed away on December 8th. She's the first close family member any of my siblings and I had lost, so you can begin to imagine the sadness and confusion that comes with that. How do I deal with this? Does it get better? Will my grandpa be okay? Thankfully, the answer to all those has been nothing but a reinforcement of how God gently carries us through even the most difficult circumstances. And although having a big family can be trying at times, I have never been more thankful to get to share in life's sorrows with them so near.

2.5 weeks later, in the midst of the emotional aftermath of my grandma's passing, Kevin and I found out we were expecting our first child. WHAT. It's still weird for me to type that or even say it aloud. We're just a couple of big kids having a kid. Are we mature enough for this? We still joke about farting and other weird things.

Picture this:

Me from bathroom: "I think I am pregnant."
Kevin from bedroom: "Really? Well, c'mere!"
We proceeded to laugh in excitement and denial that we were going to be responsible for a human life.
We are still doing that. Or I am, anyway.

It was such a blessing to get to share some joy with our families. The Lord takes away, but He is also so generous in giving, and we are thankful for that.

Well, I certainly did not plan in writing a novel when I sat down to type this post, but as you can tell, my mind has been reeling the past few months. I am slowly learning to handle the daily ebb and flow of life and feel like I can just...breathe for now. Until August, when a baby will throw a beautiful, tiring, fun, exciting, scary little wrench in our routines. LIFE, am I right?

I saw August: Osage County last week (highly recommend if for no other reason than BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH) and there was a line that stuck with me. Something along the lines of "Thank God we can't tell the future, or we'd never get out of bed." Kinda dark? Depressing? Maybe so. But for me, it made me thankful for the mysteries of Christ. I'm thankful I can get out of bed in anticipation that God's always working everything out for our good. I cannot wait to see what He does next.

Until next time!